I have often struggled with honoring and validating my unpleasant feelings and can still catch myself attempting to avoid those not-so-nice emotions today. Feelings are complicated and tricky to say the least. I know there are many philosophies about feelings, like where they come from, why we have them, how they present themselves, and how to change them. “Feelings” tend to get a bad rap. If you’re like me, you may have spent too much of your time and energy avoiding the unpleasant feelings and doing what you can to feel the pleasant ones. This wasn’t always a conscious decision but was often automatic.
While I knew that I should honor and validate my feelings, another part of me wanted to avoid them to protect myself. In doing this, I created a new level of stress – that was likened to food in a pressure cooker. If I don’t check it the top blows off, and I’m left with a mess, feeling even worse than I did in the first place. It has taken me years to realize that I have to ALLOW myself to feel my emotions! And I have to recognize that I am human and therefore subject to falling back at times. So how did I overcome this tendency to avoid? And how do I continue to do this today?
First, I recognize that there is stress or resistance in my mind and in my body. Feeling negative or unpleasant emotions might be a good indicator. Next, I have to ask myself if now would be a good time to “sit” with it or do I need to wait; this depends on the timeframe I have and whether I am in a safe environment. If I have determined that the resistance I am experiencing needs to be addressed now, then I sit. I sit upright in a comfortable chair and begin acknowledging what I am feeling. The technique I use to do this is called EFT or tapping (thetappingsolution.com).
The process of tapping works for me in a variety of ways. One is energetic, and the other is through validation and self-acceptance. The first step in using EFT is acknowledge, validate, and accept the emotions and myself for having and experiencing the emotions. It looks like this: “Even though I am feeling sadness, I choose to love and accept myself fully. Even though I am feeling overwhelmed, I choose to feel peace now. Even though I feel shame about my feelings, I choose to honor how I feel.” This is called the “set-up statement.” Doing this gives me an opportunity to name my feelings and give myself permission to feel them.
In all my years of experience practicing a plethora of techniques to improve my life, this is by far one of the most effective! Why? Because what you resist, persists! Avoidance does not work! Believe me, I have tried. Some people don’t have issues with honoring, validating or accepting their feelings, but if you’re like me and you struggle or have struggled with managing difficult emotions, then this may be helpful to you.
Too often in our society, there is a tendency to push away the bad feelings by putting a bandaid on them and forcing ourselves to feel better in whatever way we know how. Sometimes it’s shopping, eating, overworking, or using mind-altering substances, just to name a few. Or better yet, by using positive affirmations or prayer – this is called a “spiritual bypass.” It might work temporarily, but usually, the proverbial top blows off eventually. Avoiding and neglecting emotions is a form of invalidating ourselves.
The remaining steps in using EFT include tapping along the meridian of your body’s central nervous system. It is similar to acupressure and allows emotion, which = energy in motion, to move through your body, allowing them to be processed and released. It also reduces cortisol, the stress hormone that contributes to dis-ease and inflammation in the body. Some people say it’s BS, or just a distraction; however, every time I have used this technique, I have succeeded in releasing unpleasant emotions. If you’d like to learn more about it then I recommend going to the tapping solution website, here, or message me and I can work through the technique with you.
After going through the process of honoring, validating, and accepting your feelings, you can then, and only then, begin to call in more positive emotions by affirming a new truth. This is the truth you want to create about yourself and your life. It might look like this, “it is safe for me to let this go… I now choose to feel peace, love, joy… I choose to experience peace now… I am at peace… All is well.” This is certainly not a magic bullet for permanent or instant change, but it is a place to start. By demonstrating to yourself that you deserve to feel good, you honor all aspects of YOU and begin to change your emotions and your life, one thought at a time!
~Gena
